Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Pan Am Flight 103


20 years ago this December 21st, 270 people were killed on Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland. 11 of these people were citizens of Lockerbie. All of the passengers on board the plane as well as all of the crew also died. They were victims of a terrorist bomb from Libya. Many were Americans, and many were young. One such young person was Tony Thomas. His full name was Arva Anthony Thomas. He was one of my students at Hanau American High School in Hanau, Germany. He was living with a family member who was active duty military, but was from Detroit. No one really called him Arva at the high school.

Tony was a funny guy. He hadn't been at Hanau very long, not being a traditional military brat like most of my students. The very nature of schools operated by the Department of Defense is one of acceptance and quick inclusion. Students come and go in such schools, based on whatever is necessary involving the troops around the world. So, while Tony was a city boy, with a little air of the urban street still encircling him, he became a member of the school community easily.

I was a computer teacher, and everyone ended up taking my class at some point because it was a requirement for graduation. It wasn't particularly hard, and back then I was a young, well-liked teacher and the students enjoyed being part of my class. Being a teacher in such an environment was different than teaching back in the States. There was a sense of "we are all in this together" from the faculty as well as the student body, and it wasn't unusual for students and teachers to be seen at the same community events, even enjoying each other's company. I loved it and knew I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to experience this kind of life.

Tony would often joke with me as he entered or left the classroom. In 1988, I was planning to come home at Christmas time to Columbus, Ohio to see my family. I had moved to Germany in 1985 to work for the Department of Defense, and never expected to stay more than the agreed upon 2 years of service. However, I really was having the time of my life and wanted to stay as long as I could. I missed my family, however, and my beloved grandmother had died during the previous year, so Christmas with my family had an even stronger sense of poignancy for me.

Tony and I talked about flying back to the US together, since he was going to Detroit and I was going to Columbus. However, I always flew TWA then because of accruing frequent flyer miles. I also was leaving sooner than the 21st in order to be at home as much as possible during my two week vacation. We did joke, however, about how funny it would be to step off the plane in Columbus together. My father, a rural Ohio farmboy, was not terribly open-minded about mixed racial couples. Tony was a fairly dark-skinned black young man, and I was a red-headed white woman. Playing a joke on my father that Tony and I were a couple made me laugh...it wasn't anything I really would have done, but Tony and I discussed a couple of times about the imagined looks we would get, especially if I could hold a wrapped up object like a baby in my arms when coming into the airport.

On Wednesday, December 21st, I had been home for a day or two, and was already in bed at my parents home when the phone rang late at night. My mother answered it, and then called me to the phone. It was an old college friend who heard about the Pan Am crash on the television, and immediately thought of me. I had no idea at the time that anyone I knew was on the plane, although it definitely shook me up. Flying back and forth from Germany to the US was something I did at least once or twice a year, and it never really entered my mind that there could be terrorists involved. The next day I received several more calls, all wondering if I was home safely. I still didn't know about Tony's death.

I went back to Germany to start the school year after the New Year. When I got to school, I heard the news that Tony had been on the plane. I couldn't believe that this 17 year old boy, going home for Christmas after being away from his family, was killed. The school held a memorial service for him, and his brother came to speak to us all. I remember crying in the auditiorium, and students looking at me. His brother said that Tony had been found in a field, not a mark on his body, looking quite peaceful. I think that it had to be terrifying, but from what I have read, many of the passengers lost consciousness right away when they were sucked out of the plane, and never knew what happened.

Tony lost his life at such a young age. He was only 17! Who knows what the future held for him? I expect the residents of Lockerbie will never forget what happened on the day "Death rained down" upon them 20 years ago. I know the family members of all 270 people killed will mourn them forever. The terrorist who put the bomb in the suitcase, transferring it to the flight and now serving life in prison in Scotland, cannot forget. But, I, too, will always remember Tony Thomas and his smile.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Meaning of Life

I am not going to presume that I have the answer. But I do have the answer that is right for me. I did not think of it myself, but rather, was inspired by a priest at an opening school mass where I used to teach. The message resonated completely within me, and at last, I no longer had to dwell on this particular topic.

The meaning of life probably never enters some people's minds. Perhaps existance on this planet has no real meaning. Evolution caused the combination of Carbon and Oxygen, and ta-da! Life is.
For other people, life is intertwined with religion or spirituality. The meaning of life to them is whatever the church says for them to believe...maybe it is spreading the word, converting others to their way of believing, or even bigger, getting ready for heaven.

My favorite Bible verse is "He who loveth not knoweth not God, for God is Love." I also happen to believe that God is everywhere and loves everyone. This matters in my explanation of the meaning of life because it centers around love.

Wait...what? That's it! The meaning of life is knowing I have loved during my time here, as well as knowing that I was truly loved in return. Too simple?

Love comes in many forms. It's the love we have for our parents, often starting as a special love for our mothers who nurture us and feed us even before we are born. It's a love that never leaves us, if we are lucky, even when our parents are long gone. I used to cry at night as a girl, worried that my father might die. When he actually did die, too young as a man still in his 60s, I was devastated. I will never get over the loss of my father, but yet, I still have love for him. Isn't this really amazing? I can love someone who isn't even alive!

I remember falling in love with someone for the first time. It took some time for me to realize that was what it was. I wanted to be sure it wasn't just hormones, or lust, or wanting to be like everyone else, but when it lingered and grew, I knew I truly loved him. I dreamt of him, my every teenaged conversation was about him, and I couldn't wait to see him even through one high school class at a time. I'd get a hall pass to the restroom and saunter by his classroom, just to have a quick look and a smile from this boy I was crazy about.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, a good friend told me, "There are two things no one can ever really tell you about having a baby. One, it really hurts. You can't imagine the pain you will experience when you have this baby. Luckily, the pain goes away not long after, or no one would have more than one baby! Two, you have thought you have loved before. But no love compares to the love you will have when you see your baby for the very first time. It is the kind of love you would kill someone about." She was absolutely right! It did hurt, more than my dry socket after my wisdom teeth were pulled. And I fell in love with that little baby in a way that cannot compare to any other feeling I have ever had. Then I was blessed with a son, and I had the very same love for him in the very same way. There is no limit to the love we can have.

People use the word love in so many ways, and each version of love really means something completely different. I love my cat. I love my partner. I love ice cream. I love my favorite movie. I love to sleep. Aren't they all different? And then we use the expression, "Making Love." Which often has nothing to do with love in the first place, does it? Can we make love? I wish we could. Every girl with a skin problem left alone on prom night eating her tube of cookie dough in front of the TV with her ear glued to the telephone rants of other lonesome and leftout no-beauty queens wishes there was a way to make love.

Love also dies. How does this happen? How can I have love, real love for someone, and then one day, realize I don't have that love anymore? And no matter how hard I try, I just cannot feel the same way. Where does love go?

So. Back to the meaning of life. I am blessed with having been in reciprocated love more than once in my life. I am loved still today, and I love in return. My children know they are loved, which was my number one vow when my children were born. And, most days, my children love me too. My cats love me, especially the big fat male who knows I will feed him and pet him every day. There are others, family and friends mainly, who also love me. There are many people long gone from this earth who loved me as well. There are people I never see who may still love me, just as I love them.

I believe on my last day, I will not be afraid. I will be able to go to my Maker, having been with Him all along after all, in the love that I have had in my life all of my days. God is love.